| 阿秋是我的同事,我對她的第一個印象,就是當年她部落格上的文章<我是處女膜,我上天堂了!>
當時朋友傳這篇文章的網址給我,我邊看邊噴淚狂笑,認定這個女生絕對是個犀利的狠角色,接著更是不時在GQ雜誌上看到阿秋的兩性專欄,每一篇都讓我拍案叫絕;今年初第一次見面的時候,證實了她的確是個反應快腦筋好又幽默得不得了的角色,但是認識她後,我個人認為她不狠,不僅不狠,還很會耍寶,講笑話的本事十分高超,而且不時會沖壺好咖啡請我們喝,所以個人對她的敬仰愈來愈如滔滔江水般………好吧,我承認有點太馬屁了,好,講重點,今天我是來幫她打書的。 阿秋,她,終於將這些精彩的絕妙兩性文章集結成冊了,書名就是我那當年對她第一印象的文章《處女膜上天堂》,光看書封就讓我又笑彎腰,她的幽默文字配上張沒西的插圖,真是相輔相成的絕妙兩相好啊! 不說廢話了,以下是阿秋對自個兒的處女作《處女膜上天堂》之書介: |
| 這本書的書名來自於我的專欄作品<我是處女膜,我上天堂了!>,當時有個社會版新聞事件給予我靈感,加上我特別愛看跟靈異啊怪物啊的文學作品,也一直相信【萬物皆有靈】這種事,於是新聞看著看著,我就開始想像著那處女膜升了天後開始回想自己的一生,就這樣開始用擬人化方式,來撰寫兩性情色。 《處女膜上天堂》──共14個篇章,裡面主角「都不是人」:處女膜說話了、保險套說話了、衛生棉說話了、鹽水袋說話了、男人的雞雞說話了、女人的高潮說話了、汽車旅館房間也說話了…… 這些玩意兒,一個個都有自己的故事,都活在人類兩性相悅、古怪離奇、愛恨相加、乾柴烈火……情與慾的世界裡;透過這些角色,搭配我的合作夥伴──張沒西小姐所量身訂做的插圖,從2002年至2007,我為了撰寫兩性情色專欄所觀察和收集到的故事,全都有新生命。 幫自已宣傳的廣告詞實在不知道該怎麼寫,拜託讀者多支持多買一本這種話我更是讓我覺得害羞(對,拜託你們買個十本吧!),我只能說:這是一本有著全新兩性情色觀點的書,至少目前國內找不到第二本書用這樣的擬化觀點撰寫兩性情色,也希望有機會讀到它的人都會喜歡。在這裡我將告訴大家,請踴躍至金石堂購買;現在有79折,相當划算,重點是我要在這裡拚排行榜來著,網址→在這裡← 不過這些都不是最讚的,目前買書還可送I DO MOTEL折價卷,如果您目前有需求,就讓吾人處女作幫您省點錢吧! 《處女膜上天堂》的桌布、msn小圖與表情符號,皆可以在這個宣傳網頁上下載喔! 以上是阿秋說的。 我只能說,妙啊~(唉啊,好害羞~) 對了,老師說,未滿18歲還不能看喔,叫爸爸媽媽先買來看吧,或是請他們先買起來,當作你(妳)18歲的生日禮物也行!哈~ |
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加油,別放棄,我們的星球,是變動的,生老病死,喜怒哀樂,生命 生生不息。 知足常樂。 很多國家,現在溫度,正+40度 或 負-40度, 生 活 和 生存,非常艱辛。 --- 蘇+澳+後勤+某某部,也曾 酒後駕車,BMW,車頭全毀,引擎噴飛,人沒事,上過頭條新聞,網路可以查尋到。(上新聞) 該某某部,還發生過,特別案件,因老婆,無照駕駛,老公軍人,跑去夥同鄰居,製造假車禍,真詐保險公司,雖然後來,心裡不安,主動告知,保險公司,還是被,警方發現,移送地檢署偵辦。(沒上新聞) 不知道,今年 還是去年,某艦9+3+7,有士兵,去淡水遊玩,因薪俸較低,且薪俸運用和理財不佳,到賣場超市,偷竊一盒保險套。(就算船號記錯,內容不會錯,因為是,公開場合,全體宣導,注意事項)(沒上新聞) --- 蘇+澳,南+方+澳。 社區、營區,真糟糕。 普悠瑪出軌事件、大橋斷裂事件、海軍伊清楓事件。 --- 請強化,資訊安全,駭客已經厲害到,可以入侵手機,啟動與關閉軟件,並監視手機與盜取圖片和資料,造成用戶的錯覺,刻意制造出,手機用戶,幻想 或 精神病。 利益與衝突,攏斷與掌控。 --- 刮刮樂,上面號碼,應該以, 發型款版本,進行編碼, 後面則以,發行張數量,進行編碼。 ABC-1234567(款式-張數) 不然誰知道,到底有沒有,少印 或 多印。 --- 支持公益彩卷。有錢的話,當然會幫助需要的人。 請上架,因賠錢,而下架的,樂線九宮格,謝謝。 請20:00封盤,20:05開獎。(20:30開獎,理由是,需要計算,消售金額,騙三歲小孩喔) --- 一個、謊言、炒作、洗腦...的世界。 早就已經,沒有什麼,商品供需了,所以才會造成,大家沒什麼收入。(大家在比氣長,看誰食物多) 全世界都相同問題,所以才會打,貿易戰。(太平洋 魚獲 和 工作機會) 食物,才是真的(王道),其它都是假的! --- 經濟好壞? 大家,房貸額度用光、信貸額度用光、信用卡額度用光、商品沒供需 股票炒不起來、虛擬貨幣 假的上上下下。(負債累累) 只能說,以前買到房屋 或 擁房者,已經 還清債務的人,才是幸福的。(低房價) 以前是,(慢調生活),(農業時代),(相互競爭少),(人人有田),(人人有房),現在反過來了。 --- (洗腦兼爛權 的 學長學弟制 軍隊)槽糕到不行。 --- (玩弄人、貪汙,事件永無止息),(滅證洩責,第一名),(商業值供獻零),(只會從國庫,透過預算,拿老百姓,繳的稅收,進行揮霍) [基層工人,跟老百性相同,還比較有,供獻價值] --- Come on, don't give up, our planet is changing, with birth, old age, sickness and death, joy, anger, sorrow and joy, and life is endless. Contentment is always happy. In many countries, the current temperature is positive +40 degrees or negative -40 degrees. It is very difficult to live and survive. --- Su + Australia + logistics + XX department, also once drunk driving, BMW, the front of the car was completely destroyed, the engine was flying, people were okay, the headlines can be found on the Internet. (On the news) There have also been special cases involving his wife, unlicensed driving, husband and soldier. They went to work with neighbors, made fake car accidents, and scam the insurance company. Although later, he was uneasy, he voluntarily informed the insurance company. , The police found it and transferred it to the Prefectural Procuratorate for investigation. (Not in the news) I don't know, this year or last year, a certain ship 9+3+7, there are soldiers, go to Danshui to play, because the salary is low, and the use of salary and financial management are not good, go to the supermarket and steal a box of condoms. (Even if the ship number is wrong, the content will not be wrong, because it is, public occasions, all publicity, precautions) (not on the news) --- Su + Australia, South + Fang + Australia. The community, the camp, it's really bad. Puyuma derailment incident, bridge fracture incident, navy Yiqingfeng incident. --- Please strengthen information security. Hackers are already powerful enough to invade mobile phones, start and close software, monitor mobile phones and steal pictures and data, causing users to misunderstand, deliberately creating, mobile phone users, fantasy or mental illness. Interests and conflicts, severance and control. --- Scratch music, the number above should be, Hair style version, coded, After that, the number of issued sheets is used for coding. ABC-1234567 (style-number of sheets) Otherwise, who knows, whether there is less printing or more printing. --- Support charity rolls. If you have money, you will certainly help those in need. Please put it on the shelf, because it lost money, and it was taken off, Lexian Jiugongge, thank you. Please close the plate at 20:00 and draw at 20:05. (The lottery is drawn at 20:30, the reason is that it needs to be calculated, the amount of sales, to cheat a three-year-old child) --- A world of lies, hype, brainwashing... It has been long since, there is nothing, commodity supply and demand, that's why everyone has no income. (Everyone is getting angry, see who has more food) The world has the same problem, so it will fight a trade war. (Pacific Fish Catch and Job Opportunities) Food is real (king way), everything else is fake! --- Is the economy good or bad? Everyone, the mortgage line is used up, the credit line is used up, the credit card line is used up, there is no supply and demand for goods, stocks cannot be speculated, and virtual currencies are going up and down. (Large debts) It can only be said that those who have bought or owned a house before and who have paid off their debts are happy. (Low house price) It used to be, (slow life), (agricultural age), (less competition), (everyone has a field), (everyone has a house), but now it’s the other way around. --- (Brainwashing and ruined power of the senior schoolmate system army) Too bad. --- (Playing with people, embezzlement, the incident never ends), (Extinguish evidence and venting responsibility, the first place), (Commercial value for zero), (Only from the national treasury, through the budget, the tax paid by the people and the tax will be squandered) [Grass-roots workers are the same as Lao Bai, but they are more valuable, offering value] ---
關閉系統基哨站。 這個世界,只不過是,謊言支撐起來,當一切改變時,別期待 國家 與 政府 或 任何人的承諾,因為 生死,都隨時存在,只是人類體型放大化,且記憶裡 存在著,安全思想,比較多一些生存而已。 沒有供需,一切都是假的,只是透過 各種手段 與 職業,獲取 等值的證明,紙鈔 與 錢幣。 所以生存概論,推翻政權 或 加入集團組織。 This world is just supported by lies. When everything changes, don’t expect the promise of the state, the government or anyone, because life and death exist at any time, but the size of human beings is enlarged, and there is in memory, safety thoughts, comparisons Survive more. There is no supply and demand, everything is fake, just through various means and occupations, to obtain proof of equivalent value, banknotes and coins. So an introduction to survival, overthrow the regime or join a group organization.
一個錯誤的選擇 一個錯誤的環境 造就了 一連串 錯誤的事件 軍隊 隸屬 特殊環境 , 官員有責 解決底下問題, 否則沒資格 命令 不要只會 , 升官發財 , 滅證卸責, 受傷死亡, 都不算數, (該死的軍隊)(管理極差) [該休息 休息][該工作 工作] [很困難?] (作息時間,與外面社會,稍微不同,當然正常) (部隊管理不佳, 造成他人精神壓力問題) (部隊管理不佳 ,造成他人工作負荷過重) (部隊管理不佳,造成 軍職 約聘, 捉弄 與 陷害 他人, 永久上的紀錄遺憾) (受傷沒說,完全不算數)(內傷算自己該死) (卸責厲害的軍隊) ( 上電視、上報紙、莒光園地、女兵日記 ) (形象 洗白 第一名) A wrong choice A wrong environment Created a series of wrong events The army is in a special environment, and officials have the responsibility to solve the underlying problems, otherwise they are not qualified to order Don't just get promoted and get rich, destroy evidence and shirking responsibility, Injuries and deaths don’t count, (damn army) (very poor management) [Should take a break] [This job should work] [It’s difficult?] (The work and rest time is slightly different from the outside society, of course it is normal) (Poor management of the troops, causing mental stress to others) (Poor management of the troops, resulting in excessive workloads for others) (Poor management of the troops, resulting in military appointments, teasing and framing others, permanent record regrets) (I didn't say the injury, it doesn't count at all) (Internal injury counts as one's own damn) (Short the blame for the powerful army) (On TV, Newspaper, Juguang Garden, Female Soldier's Diary) (Image whitewashing first place)